Weekend before Thailand - January 9, 2009

I was wanting to hold off from writing until after we got back from Thailand. But I had some time and figured, "what the heck". 

You've seen the post below. You know that Bangkok is the part of the trip we won. The Koh Samui trip is what we extended.

Back in December we called www.hotels.com to book the hotel for Koh Samui. Like I mentioned previously, the 5 star hotel came ultra cheap due to the world economic problems and the Thai political crisis. I'd give you figures on the hotel cost, but some of you think I'm rich and I'd like to hold on to that misguided thought. Others know that I'm poor, and I'd rather not have the exacts known. So we'll just say, "it was a really good deal."

So let's also just say when Shell and I called the hotels.com people, we were looking for a steal. On the Anantara's website, they offered every 4th night free. Additionally, their $400-600 rooms were significantly less. But as a guy looking to bring out his inner, older, cheap man/bastard status, we had to look for a better deal. 

Hotels.com had never really given me any problems before. We had questions about the rooms and choices. So we decided we'd call the 1.800 number. We got through the automated call and got a real live human within 2 minutes. It took a while of bumbling but he found us our room. In a non-native English, he said, "OK, here is a room with King size Bed, 3 massages, and breakfast daily for this ridiculously low rate."

Shelly and I were excited; but we aren't stupid. Good deals always have a catch. We are also on a great deal to begin with. So we asked in every mathematical combination of possibilities, "are you sure? 3 massages? What are they?" Every time he answered, "yes, three massages. The Perfect Spa, the Mandarin Surprise, and the Asian Discovery."

I'm not a massage guy. I hate people touching me. This is why I've avoided fame. I can sing like no one's business, but I can't have people touching me. OK that's not true, all singing I do has an Indian accent. The hilarity of singing with an Indian accent takes the attention away that I missed the words and missed the key. But this isn't the point.

The point is that I figured, "I'll do a spa if it's included." So we asked the guy again, "is this for the both of us?"  He was sure of it. So we said OK. 

Now this week, I've been ultra sensitive to the whole trip. I think it all comes back to watching that "Locked Up Abroad" show. I was wondering, "how are the Thais going to plant drugs on me and then imprison me for 30 years?" "Can i be vigilant to stop this?" "i can't go to jail. I love AC." "What happens if people sit on the run way again?" "What happens if India toilets are everywhere?" 

RULE #3 of SHENOY-DOM. "Ye shall be provided proper American Toilet or no Shenoy shall appear." I don't really care if the country has lesser facilities, but my hotel must. I knew the Peninsula and the Anantara had them. 

Point is I was paranoid about everything. So I called Hotels.com since Anantara was impossible to reach. When I was awake, they were asleep and when I was asleep, they were awake. Ahh, the joys of being 12 hours behind them. 

I needed to make sure the spa's were included. It sounded too good to be true when we first spoke. I needed to be aggrevated now and get it fixed than to be there and find this out.  

The first time I called hotels.com I spent 45 minutes on the phone to be told in the last two that there was no record of the Spa package.  I am about the nicest guy a customer service agent wants to deal with. I used to be the jerk, but they don't want to deal with you. i have found that being nice actually gets things done faster.  

But when the words, "so that's the situation, I'm sorry. Is there anything else I can help you with today", i had to go into attack mode. So I sternly said, "call the hotel back and make sure it happens. I'll be waiting. Your company has lied to me." Within 10 minutes she came back and said, "yes, your spas are confirmed." But she sounded very scared. So i didn't really believe her. The "Let me talk to your supervisor" line had no impact. So I had no other options.

Worst of all, I knew going back to Shelly with this news, she was going to flip. I felt like the Jack Lemon character from Glengary Glenross. I didn't make a sale today.

I called back the next day to go through the same same experience. 

Finally on Wednesday night, I called at 11pm. I waited 20 minutes two separate times before being magically disconnected. The Third time I called, I was like a hockey goon. I was begging to start something. Luckily this guy, Kim, came on. 

Kevin: Kim, I've been disconnected 2 times already. I told the other guy to call me back if I was disconnected. He said he can't call back. You are going to call me back.

Kim: No, our systems don't allow that. but I promise you I will not drop your call.

Kevin: Kim, I don't have time. I leave for thailand soon and need to know this is taken care of. 

Kim: Let me call the hotel and verify. I will not drop this call.

I was fuming. But Kim sounded dutiful. I actually kind of believed him. I was also sitting with a buddha like patience. I didn't want my cell phone to move an inch. I did not want that call dropped. My arms hurt, my neck hurt. He put me on hold forever. But the 30 second looped hold song played a million times. And while it annoyed me, it was proof that I was still connected. Best.elevator.music.ever.

Kim: Mr. Kevin, I just want to let you know that I've gotten a hold of the Anantara representative.

Kevin: And?

Kim: No, nothing. I need to put you on hold again. I just wanted to let you know I got through.

Kevin: You just wanted...... (confused by the mass stupidity of coming back, but I'm no longer a jerk on customer service) OK, I'll wait on hold for another 15 minutes. See what you find out.

Kim: OK, Thank you for that. please hold

I'm still holding the same position for 30 minutes now. Nevermind it was almost 1am and I had been on hold for 20 minutes 2 times earlier. 

Shelly is sitting across the room. She's worried about losing her spa's. She is a spa girl. She loves them. She craves them. She was excited that we'd both be pampered. Now that it was in jeopardy, she seemed to be awaiting news in the hospital waiting room and I was the doctor in the ICU. The heat was on. 

Kim: Mr. Kevin.

Kevin: Yes.

Kim: you're reservations do not include a spa

Kevin: (angry rant that includes no curse words)

Shelly moves closer to the phone to listen. I couldn't go speaker phone. I worried about the dropped call. 

Kim: I'm sorry. The most I can do is take 20% off the final bill.

Kevin: (considers 20% off as a great deal)

Shelly motions, "no deal. No Deal"

Kevin: Kim. I am angry. You've bait and switched me. I have my confirmation letter in hand. It says DEcember 22nd at 4:30pm. That means I talked to this representative somewhere between 3:30 and 4:30pm. Check the tapes. I'm not lying. I want what was promised to me.

I'm motioning to Shell, "20% is a good deal." Shell still signaling that either she witnessed an incomplete pass or that it's still no deal.

Kim: I don't think you are lying. I will take it up with our supervisors.

Kevin: But this simply isn't fair. This is a special trip for us (I figure all our trips are special to us. The two of us are doing 1,000 things in the city daily. When we're away, it's just us and we like that.) I think 20% isn't good enough.

Shelly gives the thumbs up. I'm actually done completing the math on what the final cost of the trip is with the 20% off. I am positively loving it from my 30 year old perspective as well as my old man, cheap bastard perspective. This great deal has gone to amazingly sweet.

Kim: I can go ahead and cancel your reservation if you like.

Drat, Kim is calling and I don't have the chips. Shell looks to the upper left of the room. She knows we've been called. She's the better poker player of the two of us. 

Kevin: Fine. We'll take the 20%, but I want to know that the tape is reviewed. What has happened is not right. 

Kim: Fair enough. I will make sure the tape is reviewed. I hope this is not your last booking with hotels.com. 

Kevin: You were very helpful. thanks for helping us out. 

Kim: Anything else I can help with.

Kevin: I want a confirmation letter saying the 20% was taken off.

Kim: It'll take 30 days to confirm. 

Kevin: I want it now.

Kim: Mr. Kevin it will be done.

Kevin: That's what I thought about the spas.

Kim: (Kim knows that he's been called this time. He doesn't have the chips. So he laughs) Let me see if I can get this done now. 

Two minutes later, he comes back and says it's completed. The email comes through.

And that was that. Honestly, if I booked a hotel in the states for someone else's wedding or for a vacation. I'd go with hotels.com. If I had to do it international, I'd just book directly with the hotel itself. That's my travelers tip of the week. 

To be fair, I was really impressed by hotels.com's gesture, and it helped ensure that I use hotels.com for the next trip/adventure. Also, secretly I'm happy the spa is not included. I feel like "Mandarin surprise" sounds like a reason I'd get arrested and kept in Thailand for most of my life. Same with Asian Discovery. Shelly now can use the 20% and buy whatever she wants for herself. I can be stranger touch free while in Thailand. 

I also redid the math with the 20% off. The first 3 days are what they cost. The 4th day is free and with the 20% off, the fifth day is $11. I realize you can potentially do the math back into the hotel cost, but you'd either have to care a lot and be Indian. I don't think anyone reading this is both.  I rarely trust white guy math, and I don't know too many Indians who care about me. ;-)

I am excited about the trip still. Can't wait to get 16 hours of flying behind us and be in Thailand already. I am debating on taking the computer. Most likely I won't. So the blog will be updated daily once I return. 

If you don't hear from me on the 26th, chances are "I'm locked up abroad." Please contact the consulate and get me and Shelly out.